I’m recognizing that my intense longings for peace and joy cannot be satisfied by any amount of festivity or holiday cheer. That would be like trying to patch up a bullet hole with a butterfly stitch. This longing is so deep and wide that all the world’s eggnog couldn’t fill it.
Deidre Braley
I don’t know what year it was when my child-like wonder rubbed off and I realized—much to my horror—that the Christmas spirit was elusive as some rare bird.
It probably started fading circa age 8, when I discovered that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny weren’t real. “But, but…what about the Tooth Fairy?” I remember asking, clinging desperately to that last magical being even though I knew she was about to be snuffed, too. My mother and sister had looked at each other, then shaken their heads in somber unison. The end of an era.
For a long time, I managed to be jolly enough. Sure, we had to pretend that it was okay that Santa wasn’t real (it wasn’t), but there were plenty of other real Christmas traditions I could cling to. My mother’s marshmallow roll, for example. And Silver Bells and Elf and the lovely anticipation of opening gifts and eating peanut butter balls for breakfast. Those things seemed to work—mostly.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve turned to other comforts of the season. Glitz! Glamour! Champagne! Dinner parties! Cookies upon cookies upon cookies! Imagining Christmas through my children’s eyes!
But I’ve reached the Christmas where those things aren’t working anymore. Not to say that I’m not enjoying them, but rather that I’m recognizing that my intense longings for peace and joy cannot be satisfied by any amount of festivity or holiday cheer. That would be like trying to patch up a bullet hole with a butterfly stitch. This longing is so deep and wide that all the world’s eggnog couldn’t fill it.
I invited Matthew Nash on the show to talk about this longing and so much more. A spiritual director and founder of the Kardia Community, speaking with Matthew about caring for our souls felt like one giant, reassuring hug.
We talked:
✨ about sehnsucht, a German word that perfectly sums up so much of what I’m feeling this Christmas
✨how to engage community and why it matters for all of us, even if you’re an introvert who prefers to spend the season reading books in twinkly-lit nooks
✨specific spiritual practices for intentional soul care this Advent season, including the Prayer of Examen and lectio and/or visio divinia
✨the issue of finding time and the Narnia-like magic of stepping into the divine
✨the difference between transactional and transformational leaders (and humans)
So if you’re reaching desperately for the Christmas spirit and it feels like an elusive bird to you too, then listen to this interview and be encouraged. As Matthew says:
“Sitting in the tension and the mystery is exactly where we need to be.”
Merry Christmas, friends. 🎄
Watch here:
Links from the Show:
Matthew’s Substack Community
Book: Honest Advent by Scott Erickson
Book: Making Room for Advent by Bette Dickinson
Guidance for Spiritual Practices (Prayer of Examen, lectio divina, breath prayers), below:
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