My 10-Step, Anti-Anxiety To-Do List
What I do when I start to spiral
Usually I sleep pretty well. True, I get up at least twice a night to pee these days, and sometimes I have to console Viv in the night and sing “Rock-a-bye Baby” on repeat, but besides that, I generally close my eyes and that’s that.
But last week, I found myself lying in bed, semi-conscious and trying to calculate how many more hours till daybreak based on the strength of light filtering through our blinds. 4:30, I told myself. Make it to 4:30, then you can get up.
I slipped between half-dreams and pleading prayers, just strings of phrases that made no sense and wore me out and kept me awake, all at the same time. My jaw hurt; I realized later I’d been clenching my teeth.
Tempted as I was to blame it on the piece of lemon creme pie I had before bed (which, if you have Joanna Gaines’ Magnolia Table cookbook—make this pie, I promise you’ll be happy), I knew it wasn’t the sugar. It was anxiety, that old unwanted pal I’ve spent so much time with over the years.
It’s interesting: when you’re not anxious, it’s easy to forget how painful it is. It’s easy to write it off as just a feeling or not that big of a big deal. But when anxiety strikes? Holy moly. It alters everything, and it can be downright crippling. For everyone experiencing anxiety right now in this very moment: It is no. freaking. joke. And I see you.
Right now, I can think of at least 10 people I love who—in the last month alone—have told me how much they’re struggling with anxiety, too. We talk about it on the phone and around dinner tables, over coffee and morning commutes. Clearly, it is fresh and painful and present on many of our minds.
This week, I’ve been working hard to manage the anxiety that keeps trying to creep in. I used to think that I was doomed to feel the full, soul-crushing power of whatever anxious thought blew my way, but I’m learning, slowly, what Paul meant when he wrote, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). I’m also learning that it is indeed possible to “take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5), but that it usually looks less like a nice, flowery sentiment and more like an all-out wrestling match.
I used to just hope for anxiety to pass. But I’ve dealt with it long enough now to have developed some strategies to help prevent a full-blown spiral. Nowadays, when I sense that awful unsettled feeling coming on, I employ a bit of an anti-anxiety to-do list—a handful of things that I walk through to help regulate my mind, my spirit, and my body again.
I thought it might be helpful to share them here. I don’t expect all of these strategies to be for everyone, nor do I claim that this is a comprehensive, fix-all list. (For example, counseling and medication are not on this list, but both can be extraordinarily valuable). But I do hope that you’ll find one or two ideas that inspire or encourage you, and I also hope that you might share one of your own tried-and-true strategies in the comments section below—who knows how it might help someone else!
Make a real breakfast.
Your mind will tell you that you don’t have the time to slow down to eat a real breakfast, let alone make one. Wave it off. Starting your day with intentionality will give you the sense that you are actually in control (not your anxiety), and, what’s more, that loveliness is still available to you, even after a sleepless night or in the midst of spinning worries.
This morning, for instance, I made my grandmother’s blueberry muffin recipe. Their smell reminded me of Sunday mornings growing up, and when I broke one in half and the steam rose to my face, I inhaled the aroma and felt a little more okay. I’m telling you—there’s power in homemade food.
Create something.
For me, it’s usually a poem. Often, I just promise myself that no one will ever read it, then I write down those strings of phrases that tossed about in my mind all night. It doesn’t always make sense and it’s rarely pretty, but it feels like taking the mess out of my brain and pinning it to something physical, something tangible. It’s easier to get a good look at it that way, and lots of times, it feels less scary once it’s out in the open and has been wrestled into teeny little 2D letters.
Pinpoint what it is that’s making me feel anxious.
One of the worst types of anxiety is the vague type, when you know that you are feeling unsettled but aren’t sure why. It’s always better to know what you’re dealing with, because then you can at least make a plan to tackle it. Sometimes I will literally say to myself, “Okay, Deidre, you’re feeling anxious. What might be causing this?” I’ll try to systematically run through the thoughts floating through my brain, checking in with each one to see if it’s the perpetrator. Was it the awkward conversation I had last night? Or that email I read an hour ago? Was it the news article? Am I worried about that doctor’s appointment, or what Theo said? I don’t stop until I’ve pinpointed the source(s) of my angst.
Go for a prayer walk.
I have started to do this every day. It goes like this: Pablo needs a walk, and I need to pray, so I’ve stacked these habits on top of one another, and then we both get what we need for 30 minutes a day. (If you haven’t read Atomic Habits by James Clear, I’d highly recommend it. That’s where I learned the masterful art of habit stacking, and it’s legit).
Basically, I force myself to start praying as soon as we get to the end of the driveway, and I do it out loud, to keep from getting distracted. You may be thinking that prayer shouldn’t be forced, but sometimes it takes real willpower to talk to someone you can’t see, especially when your brain is already exhausted from spinning in circles. I always start my prayer walk the same, with a “Hi Abba…” because I can’t face the Almighty or Holiest of Holies when I’m weary from worry. I just need to talk to my Daddy. Starting my prayers this way gives me permission to talk to him about what’s bothering me, without all the stuffy formalities.
As with anything, getting started is the hardest part. Usually, I’m still praying right back up to the front doorstep, and usually, I feel an immense sense of relief afterward, too.
Give my body special attention.
I make a healthy smoothie. I take a long, hot shower. I actually use lotion on my legs and feet, even though it’s a real effort to reach them right now. I put on makeup and something comfortable, but pretty. Our bodies and our minds are connected. I don’t know how it all works. But feeling well-kept and well-cared-for really seems to help.
Tell someone that I’m feeling anxious, and why.
Anxiety loves isolation. It’s a breeding ground for doubt and fear. When we’re alone with our thoughts, they can take advantage of us, getting ever larger and more irrational. Saying them aloud takes some of their power, and saying them aloud to someone else makes them feeling less overwhelming.
Sometimes this looks like just texting a friend and saying, “Hey, I’m really anxious about _________ today. Will you pray for me?” Other times it’s a Marco Polo message, or even just a few words with Ethan before we turn on a show after the kids go to bed. It doesn’t have to be a long and involved thing—it can just be a simple acknowledgement, followed by a simple encouragement by someone who cares.
Clear all visible surfaces.
Visual chaos is mental chaos. I will stand by this till the day I die.
I’m not a clean freak—not by any means. If you were to open pretty much any of our drawers or closets, you’d be horrified by the weird assortment of toothpicks and candlesticks and cleaning supplies and chapsticks. But the one thing I insist upon in our home is clean surfaces. I like our bed to be made. I need our countertops to be clear. And I’m happiest if the table is empty.
When I feel anxiety welling up within me, the first thing I do is clear the visible chaos. I neaten and straighten and polish. Somehow, this outer order helps restore a sense of inner order, too.
Read my Bible.
The Word of God is a living thing. I know it’s true, because it speaks to me all the time. It speaks specifically to my needs, longings, and deepest fears—even as they change from day-to-day. It’s not just a dusty, outdated book. It’s the most up-to-date text imaginable. And it constantly re-orients me to remember who is in control, what is most important, and how very much each of us are loved.
When too many days go by without reading my Bible, I forget these things. I feel storm-tossed. I feel lost. I feel subject to wherever the winds of anxiety blow me, like I talked about above. But when I get back to reading the Word, my soul sighs in relief. Ah, it says. Yes. This is who You are, God. And this is who I am.
Do something I’ve been putting off.
I referenced mental chaos in Step 7. Besides messy countertops, something else that contributes to my mental chaos is thinking about all of the undesirable tasks that I have yet to do. I particularly dread paying bills, responding to very long text messages, visiting the post office, and scrubbing the shower.
But sometimes, I find that pressing into these tasks actually alleviates some of the pressure inside my brain. On days when I’m feeling most anxious, I’ll make a list of all of these little must-dos swirling around, and then attack them with a vengeance. Ethan calls this my go-mode; Pablo ducks and covers when I get like this. But boy oh boy, does it free up some much-needed head space. I’m often surprised by how reducing the number of things on my mind can help even the most overwhelming anxiety feel a bit more manageable.
Care for someone else.
It’s a reminder that there’s a whole big world outside of our own brains, still living and breathing and beating and operating, despite the way we’re feeling inside. Caring for someone else is purposeful, it fosters connection, and it feels good. It is an excellent way to grab hold of the edges of anxiety and say, “No, sir. I actually won’t be spiraling any further today. I’ve got important work; I’ve got someone to love."
Which one of these steps resonates most with you? What strategies have worked well for you in the fight against anxiety? Please share below!
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