Permission to Get A Little Out of Control

In truth, we weren’t made to be ever-responsible. We weren’t made to orchestrate every moment of every day. We weren’t made to wake up early and go to bed late, toiling under the self-imposed slavery of our to-do lists. So no wonder we shrivel up and whither when we do.

But first, 2 fun announcements:

1. The winner of the book giveaway from our last podcast episode (He Knows Your Name by Paige Allen) is Ellen Mitchell! It will be coming to a mailbox near you soon! xo

2. I’m going on a bit of a Poetry Reading/Book Signing Tour in April! Check out the dates below and, if you’ll be nearby, mark your calendar for one of these special events!

   

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When’s the last time you were out of control?

Not in a crazy way, like streaking across a football field¹ or wearing white after Labor Day. No, what I’m wondering is: When is the last time you gave your white knuckles a little reprieve?

I ask because I’ve been wrastling with control these last few months too and, up until this past Tuesday, I probably couldn’t have given you an answer. Between toddler ear infections, new projects, semi-regular bouts of creative despair, and the spiritually-draining thing they call sleep training, all semblance of order and control in my life basically melted away. Some (more well-adjusted?) people would take this as a cue to rest. They would do sane things, like wipe down countertops and light candles and eat chicken noodle soup. They’d let the craziness happen, and do their best to adjust in the meantime.

But me? I analyzed my planner. I designated 3 days-worth of work to 45-minute time slots. I stayed up late even though my eyes crossed. I woke up early even though I had just lain awake listening to Alden cry while swimming in my own pool of tears. (If I haven’t made this clear already, sleep training is purgatory.) I became beholden to my to-do list, because I believed that the only way I’d finally feel okay again would be to get on top of everything. To get it under control.

The effect? I still felt behind. And I also felt miserable. I wasn’t having any fun. And maintaining that constant state of withitness just isn’t healthy for anyone! The world started to feel a little gray.

But then, Tuesday.

On Tuesday…